Lately, I found myself questioning about life and survival. What would I be doing more of in the coming years? Teaching, researching, or writing? More or less of each? Will I be comfortable doing what I am going to do? Will I have enough resouces to sustain my passion in life till the day I leave this world?
It is natural to see the mind conjuring all the 'what-ifs' as it reacts to the inflationary pressures, the standing in the crossroads of life's directions in a bid to create a 'fulfiling future', and the aging body.
Seeing the arising and passing of thoughts and feelings that are impermanent. This is what the human mind does. The need to know (the future), to feel safe and secure. The grasping and aversion that sometimes comes after that lead to suffering.
Today I saw a quote by Krishnamurti that brings reflection.
"Because it is the desire to be secure, when there is probably no security at all, that breeds conflict. If psychologically you see the truth that there is no security of any kind, of any type, at any level, there is no conflict. Then, you rule with life; you are active, creative, volcanic in your action, explosive in your ideas; you are not tethered to anything. Then you are living." ~ Krishnamurti
So really, there is no security in life. No one is in control of the conditions of life. The only security is perhaps the openness to this truth. In BuddhaDharma, that is finding the refuge in the truth.
There is still the need to evaluate life, make plans and have healthy desires in life (like deciding what to eat to sustain health), but it can be free from attachments to outcomes.
Letting go of the need to know and feel certainty, the heart-mind felt rested.